Practice Parenting Skills: Giving Directions

Watch: Learn about giving directions

Find out the steps to giving good directions and how to handle times when your child does not follow your directions.

Watch: You know what I mean?

A mother finds that her son, though well-intentioned, does not ever seem to follow her directions. What she discovers, however, is that her own approach to giving directions may have more to do with it than she realizes.

Scenario 1: Giving a direction

What would you do?

Choice A: You say, "It's time to clean up."

This direction is okay. But, younger children can follow directions better when you are specific and they know exactly what you want them to do. Try another choice.

Choice B: You say, "Put away the fire truck."

This is a great direction! It’s simple and specific. Your child will know exactly what you want them to do. Watch this clip to see another example of good directions.

Choice C: You say, "Clean up, wash your hands, and come to dinner."

This may be too many directions for younger children to follow. Give one direction at a time to help your child be successful. Try another choice.

Scenario 2: Getting your child's attention

What would you do?

Choice A: You say your child's name in a loud, stern voice.

Saying your child’s name loudly may get your child’s attention, but you also need to repeat the direction. Try another choice.

Choice B: You yell, "Tommy, put your toy away!"

This strategy may get your child’s attention. But, it could teach your child to only pay attention to you and follow directions when you yell. Try another choice.

Choice C: You bend down and get your child to look at you. Then, you say, "It's time for dinner. Please put away the fire truck."

Good choice! You made sure you had your child’s attention, and you told them exactly what to do. You also showed your child how to be polite and respectful. Watch this clip to hear an expert talk about keys to consider in giving directions.

Scenario 3: When your child doesn't listen

What would you do?

Choice A: You say, "If you don't put away your fire truck, you will go to time out." Your child still doesn't follow your directions. You say, "Dinner is getting cold. Just go to the table."

This is a good option if you can follow through with the time out that you warned will occur. If you are not able to follow through with a time out, it would be better to choose another consequence. You could take the toy away for the rest of the day. Try another choice.

Choice B: You pick your child up and take them directly to the kitchen table.

Your child is at the table but did not do what you asked. They may learn that they can ignore your directions. Try another choice.

Choice C: You say, "If you don't put away your fire truck, I will take it away for the rest of the day." Your child still doesn't follow your directions. You take the toy, and say, "Because you didn't put the truck away like I told you, you lose the toy for the rest of the day."

This is a good choice. You are issuing a warning and letting your child know what will happen if they don't follow your direction and then you followed through with the consequence. Watch this clip to hear an expert talk about the importance of following through with consequences.

Scenario 4: Handling a bad attitude

What would you do?

Choice A: You yell at your child to sit down at the table.

It’s easy to get frustrated when your child has a bad attitude. Stay calm and focus on the positive. The toy is in the toy box and you are ready to eat. If you yell, you teach your child that yelling is an okay way to vent frustration. Try another choice.

Choice B: You ignore the bad attitude, and say, "Thank you for putting the toy away."

Good choice! It’s okay to ignore a bad attitude and focus on the positive behavior. When you have a calm response, you teach your child how to handle frustration appropriately. Watch this clip to see a mom ignoring her child’s attitude and making sure he follows her direction.